About Sam

I was raised in an era where a mistake on a platformer resulted in death, and there was no such thing as unlimited continues. I grew up playing games like Ninja Turtles 1, Ninja Gaiden 1, Bayou Billy, Final Fantasy 1, and Contra. So forgive me if I laugh at the mere thought that any videogame made in the last 7 years or so could ever be considered difficult. Unless it's like Diablo Hardcore mode, or something weird like that. Also, I run Chris, Morrigan, and Magneto on UMvC3 on PSN. Hit me up anytime at Darcon25.

My Issues with Bayonetta 2


So it’s been about a week and a half since it was first announced that Bayonetta 2 would be a Wii U exclusive. In that time, we’ve seen a fair amount of outrage from the fans directed primarily at Nintendo. To nobody’s surprise, we’ve also seen plenty of journalistic outcry against the fans who are against Nintendo. Plenty of arguments about the topic have popped up, so I thought I’d take a chance at analyzing a few.


F#$% You Nintendo for making Bayonetta a Wii Exclusive. I want the game for _________ (insert any system here)


Now, this argument does in fact make us look like spoiled babies, but look at it from the fans’ perspective.   Gamers (like myself) who once enjoyed Bayonetta on their system of choice (PS3 for me) are now forced into buying a system they may or may not want in order to play the sequel.  It would be not unlike buying a Nintendo system to play a Mario game and then find out that the next Mario game is being released for the Vita… which would totally suck.


Follow the game, not the system.  If you follow (insert an system here), you’re nothing but a sheep to a company.

This argument makes me laugh every time I see it.  You mostly only see arguments like this on Twitter or in Youtube comments.   Most of the same points from the previous argument I’ve made will also apply here, but a lot of us have our reasons for not liking Nintendo and NOT purchasing a Wii U is one of the few things we can do to let Nintendo just how much we distrust them.  I once owned a Wii, and it took about a year to realize just how little fun I was having with it.  I ended up selling it to buy a PS3 (one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my gaming life) but I would have much rather avoided the hassle.


Bayonetta 2 wouldn’t even exist without Nintendo.  They are the only reason Bayonetta 2 is being made.

This is more of a rant on the industry, but nothing incites rage from a collective of gamers quite like exclusivity.  Exclusivity is never a good thing, and really only creates separation in the given industry.  What I hate most is how widespread and accepted it is becoming.  Yes Bayonetta 2 is being released because of Nintendo, and I know a lot of people will probably tell me I’m crazy, but would it be so weird if Nintendo were to publish a game and not make it exclusive to their own system?  Yes, I know they have a massive incentive to sell their system, but they do so to sell the software.  In fact, I would argue that most of the money is made from software… that or subscription-based services.  Bayonetta is a single player game that probably won’t offer any subscription-based services, so why not please the fans by offering it for all platforms while doubling, or maybe even tripling the sales of the product?


If you are a true Bayonetta fan, you would just buy the Wii U to play part 2.

I’m just going to come out and say it.   It’s NEVER worth investing in an entire system for one game.  I’ve done it before and I’ve regretted it every time.  I also love how some people think $300-$500 is money everyone can just throw around whenever new hardware is released.   I’ll purchase ONE of the three major systems, and I’ll think long and hard about which one I want before I do.



I Hate Lightning

Let it be clear that I do not hate the sudden flashes of light that brilliantly fill the sky on a stormy night. Those are actually pretty sick, especially the giant forked ones that tear through  a cloudless sky…  I enjoy those quite a bit.  What I have recently come to despise is Lightning the character from the Final Fantasy series.



I didn’t always hate Lightning the character.  There was actually a point in time before the original Final Fantasy 13 when I was actually really, really pumped to get my hands on the game with the sylish and sexy new FF character.  I was just coming from Final Fantasy 12 (which I absolutely loved) so my interest in the series was at an all-time high… and then I played the game.


I couldn’t believe how incredibly boring the game was.  I know it sometimes takes a Final Fantasy game to get going, but this one easily beat out the rest in that aspect.  I played about half the game, and then stopped never to return to that world.


A couple years later, I find out a sequel to 13 is to be released, and I’ll be honest… I was a bit surprised and a tad excited.  They eventually started releasing those slick, FF high-res screenshots, you know, the ones from  the opening CG cutscenes.  I found it shocking that they could Lightning look even sicker than she already did from the first game. and for that I was immediately pulled back in.   I’ll always give Square Enix the benefit of the doubt. and I knew I would give 13-2 a chance.


This time I ended up playing the entire game.  It wasn’t that I was particularly enjoying the game, but I was willing to trudge through the story in hopes the ending would make it all worth-while.  In short, it was not, and it actually made me incredibly angry.  Not only was the Finale incredibly predictable, but the game actually tells you how it ends about  midway through .  SPOILERS AHEAD.  It’s as if you were watching The Dark Knight Rises, and Bain would break character midway through the movie to tell the audience that he not only fails twice to defeat Batman, but he is defeated by Catwomen, his partner in crime dies in a car crash, and Batman neutralizes his nuclear bomb ‘Angels and Demons” style.  Terrible idea, right?  It was.



This past Saturday, they announced the new spinoff Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII. and this probably goes without saying, but I will not play the game.  I will not rent the game.  I will not buy the game.  I will not borrow the game.  I wouldn’t even try the game if it were given to me for free.  The ONLY instance where I would even consider giving it a semblance of a chance is it receives critical acclaim while addressing and fixing the problems from the first two games.  Oh, and please, please Square Enix…. please take it easy with those over-the-top story lines.  The crazier the story line, the more likely it won’t translate very well, which just screws over the English-speaking audience; and we can’t enjoy the game if we have no clue what’s happening.


As of now, I’ll probably ignore any and every FF game with XIII in the title, but I’m also getting closer and closer to simply ignoring every FF game altogether.

Nintendo Power – A Nostalgic Look Back at the Publication of my Childhood


It happened again…


That is to say another one of the video game publications from my childhood has died. First it was EGM, then it was Gamepro, and now it’s Nintendo Power. It’s strange because no matter how many times it happens, it still surprises me. I’m well aware of the current state of the global economy and that many businesses (much less ones in the business of advertisement having trouble advertising) continue to have trouble staying afloat. It’s true that no business is safe, but this is Nintendo effin’ Power. It’s probably one of the first pieces of reading material I’ve ever purchased.

Continue reading

Dante is in Playstation All-Stars, and This is How it Happened

So over the last few days, I’ve been trying to figure out how exactly the new look Dante made the cast of Playstation All-stars.  After some deliberation, I’ve come up with one scenario that fully explains how it went down.  I find it extremely hard to believe Ninja Theory could sum up the courage to explicitly request the commercial rights to the new-look Dante character from Capcom.  No, Capcom went to them, and this is exactly how it happened… allegedly.


I picture a bunch of suits in a sprawling conference room all huddled together, when one guy says aloud.

Continue reading

Magneto Combo Video and Input Guide for UMvC3



This is an input Write-up for my Magneto Combo Video for UMvC3 above.

As always, the titles given to these combos are for fun, and are not official.


1 – “900K”

The first part of the combo is just a random BnB, the second part is really where the damage comes from.  The only thing this really requires is an uppercut assist to set up the opponent for the Up-fly combo in the top corner. You will need an OTG assist in order to get a Magnetic Tempest off at the end.  The timing on the up-fly part is rough, but do-able with practice.  I can see this becoming commonplace for getting higher damage from Magneto.

Fly, float down, H, S, H, launch, super jump, H, air dash forward, H (slight delay), L Magnetic Blast (slight pause), land, H, L Hyper Grav, H, launch (slight pause), super jump, H, air dash forward, H (slight pause), L Magnetic Blast (slight pause), land, H, L Hyper Grav, H, launch + assist (slight pause on both), super jump, H, fly, H, up air dash, H, up air dash, H, up air dash, H, up air dash, H, up air dash, H, S, land, call assist, M Hyper Grav, H, L Magnetic Disruptor, Magnetic Tempest.



2 –  Yeah, It Reaches Up There

Just another BnB with the help of Hsien Ko and Rocket Raccoon assists.  It took me a while to figure out a decent way of landing a Magnetic Tempest off a wallbounce that high up in the air.  I tried a lot of Disruptor and Hyper Grav setups, but this one seemed to be the easiest one, by far.  Also, I never realized how much damage that Hsien Ko DHC did.  Holy crap.


Super Jump, air dash down, H, crouching H, launch, super jump up, H, air dash forward, slight pause, H, slight pause, L Magnetic Blast, jump forward, H, L Magnetic Blast, land, H, slight pause, launch, super jump up, H, air dash forward, slight pause, H, slight pause, L Magnetic Blast, land + call assist, jump forward, H, L Magnetic Blast, assist hits, land, H Hyper Grav, super jump up, air dash down-forward, S, land, H + assist, slight pause, launch, super jump up, H, (assist hits), air dash down and back, heavy pause, Magnetic Tempest, DHC.
Continue reading

This Dude Didn’t Know the Konami Code


This guy out to be ashamed of himself. Aside from the obvious fail at missing out on a cool $7,000, he’ll also have to live with the fact that somewhere out there, someone is trolling him; Be it Youtube, reddit, Kotatku, or 4chan, people will see this and will ridicule him accordingly. Seriously though, who doesn’t know the Konami Code? I had to come up with a list of all the people (at least that I’m aware of) who know about it.


The following people know about the Konami Code

1.  Me

2. EVERY single one of my friends, colleagues, rivals, and enemies from childhood ’till now

3.  My younger brother and younger sister

4.  My parents (because  I forced them to know it), uncles, cousins… basically everyone except my grandparents

5.  The prettiest girl in school when I was in 4th grade (she’s the one who actually told me about it)


6. Jesus and the Angels, Dwight Schrute, and literally every person that went to Comic Con


7. These cats and this dog


8.  Every Single Person who has worked, is working for, or ever will work for Konami


9. Audrey Tautou, Tom Hanks, this chick, and Moses


10.  The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and this shirt


11.  That bum that always hangs out by Stater Bros.

<————————————————————  12.  This Zombie

13.  The X-men

14.  That weird guy across the street that yells at 3 in the morning

15.  The Pope, Jesse Jackson, and Singer/Songwriter/country-christian rock star Sara Evans


16.  The guy that cuts you off in traffic.

17. The complaining lady from “Waiting” that ate pube-steak

18. The broken pair of headphones where the left side works, but the right side doesn’t

19.  The stray dog that always walks up and tries to sniff your dog’s butt… his fleas

20.  My Grandparents ( I lied, they do know about it)

21.  The letters O, N, I, and the number 32

22.  1/4 cup of oregano, basil, and thyme.  Mix well.

23.  N/A

24.  The loud beep noise from the smoke detector of the people that upload Youtube videos and you wonder if they are either lazy, cheap, are just plain dumb and don’t know that you have to actually replace the batteries to keep it from driving you, them and everyone else that happens to watch the video from going crazy to the point where you hate them without even knowing them.

  25.  and finally, George W. Bush and more than half the planet

Lag: My Own Worst Enemy

Oh lag, you are the bane of my existence. / The thought of you fills me with a rage that cannot be disarmed. / I don’t know much but I know I hate you, / and that may be all I need to know.

“Latency Sonata #587” – by me


We all hate it, and everyone here has multiple stories on how lag caused them to “break their hand, not knowing there was concrete behind that drywall” or how they turned a “$60 dollar wireless controller into a flying projectile 10 times more dangerous than a bullet.” I have to ask to ask now, in this technological age where problems are solved, diseases are cured, and the issues of the past disappear, why does lag only seem to get worse?

Continue reading

Ouya Kickstarter: How much would you give to get what you already have? (apparantly about $5 million)


This Kickstarter craze is getting out of hand.  The economy is in the dump yet people are lining up to throw their money at projects that could very well fizzle out of existence.   I’m half wondering if Kickstarter is just a random idea from some federal reserve chairman  to get poor people (and apparently rich people) to give money to not poor people.

Continue reading

I Hope Playstation All-Stars Fails (But Secretly I Want It To Succeed)

Let me first say that I am, and always will be biased when it comes to the Super Smash Bros series. I had a lot of good times playing Super Smash Bros Melee competitively and casually, and it will always hold a special place in my heart. I went to many tournaments, I studied all the frame data, I knew what every character was capable of, I knew all the glitches, I unlocked every secret, and even with all that knowledge of the game, it was never enough. In short, Super Smash Bros Melee was my quest to Mordor, my raid on the Death Star, my Hunger Games.

Continue reading

Charting Lara Croft’s levels of Slutiness – a Timeline


Call it Nintendo fanboyism, but I really like it when my video game characters stay the same. Take Mario for example. For the better part of 20-something years, that little dude has consistently stayed a short, pudgy, Italian plumber, and I love him for that. You’re never going to see him suddenly become ripped, double his height, grow a beard, and trade in his fireflower for an AK-47. Not gonna happen. Now. I completely understand the need to change as a result of evolving to become a better self. After all, adaptation is a tool for survival.  What I really don’t like seeing is change for the sake of change… which brings us to Lara.

Continue reading

More, Fake Video Game Courtesey of Team Coco


Another segment of “New Video Games” aired and this time Team Coco takes on a few classics, a couple sport franchises, and Skyrim. Now I love seeing a fat, diabetes-ridden Mario lose his foot as much as the next person, but I can’t help but feel these video game segments are just easy ways of nabbing young eyeballs. It’s almost as if some producer is forcing Conan to feign appeal to something he’s obviously not passionate about, sort of in the same way a hot girl would try to convince nerds that she is a gamer – you know, that whole “I love Mario and Zelda” schtick… I don’t buy it. In any case, they do make for some great memes.


(thx TC)