More, Fake Video Game Courtesey of Team Coco


Another segment of “New Video Games” aired and this time Team Coco takes on a few classics, a couple sport franchises, and Skyrim. Now I love seeing a fat, diabetes-ridden Mario lose his foot as much as the next person, but I can’t help but feel these video game segments are just easy ways of nabbing young eyeballs. It’s almost as if some producer is forcing Conan to feign appeal to something he’s obviously not passionate about, sort of in the same way a hot girl would try to convince nerds that she is a gamer – you know, that whole “I love Mario and Zelda” schtick… I don’t buy it. In any case, they do make for some great memes.


(thx TC)

Daily Pic: Zelda Wii U Never Gonna Happen

Honestly we all know what Nintendo loves to do. They love to release their best franchise(Zelda) right at the end each of their consoles life. This ensures that people keep their old shitty Nintendo consoles and also buy Nintendo’s new shitty console. It’s like a final fuck you to all those who are Nintendo owners.

So when can we expect to see anything from Zelda U? Realistically six years. Look I know the argument that a Zelda game takes a long time to perfect. But we all damn well know that Nintendo will not even start on the game for another 3 years, so leave the bullshit were it lays….EN YEE ASSS.

XBox 720?

Whoa, what am I talking about? Well, dear readers, apparently news of next gen consoles have been fluttering about in the interweb. Possible designs for the next PlayStation 4, Microsoft’s answer to Sony’s next console, freakin’ Wii U – which everyone seem to have a hard time absorbing – from Nintendo, and all kinds of weird stuff even gamers can’t take in. The XBox 360’s name alone should make everyone think, but what really stings me(pisses me, really) is how people assume that the next console Microsoft is going to put out is XBox 720.

Rumors are just that, until of course an official announcement has been made. A couple of, let’s say, enthusiasts so magically and very randomly found out, through leaked documents, the details of the possibly the next console from Microsoft.

Check out these concept designs. Unlikely, but we can dream can’t we?

Here’s the rundown on the specs(NOTE: Rumors):

–CPU Cores – 6-8x ARM/X86 @ 2GHz
–GPU – 64ALU @ 1GHz
–CPU Cores – 3x PPC @ 3.2GHz
–EDRAM – >32MB
Memory – 4GB, 128bit DDR4QoS for App Pool
Mass FLASH Storage – MLC
–CPU Core – 2x ARM/X86 @ 2GHz
–GPU – 48ALU @ 500MHz
Security System
Video/Audio Accel – 2HD Dec, 1HD Enc, DSP, XMA
Video Output – Flexible Resize / Compositing / 3D
NUI Offloal – Skeletal Tracking Accel.
Base IO – USB3.0, HDMI, DisplayPort, GigE,PCI-E, SATA, 802.11n
Device Specific IO – HSDPA, WiMAX, W-HDMI, ATSC, DisplayPort, LVDS

What do you think? Does that excite you? Or are you fed up, like me, with these rumors and just wait for the damn thing?

Happy Father’s Day from

Now that Father’sDay is coming to an end, let’s reflect on what should be a lazy day for the majority of you.

My initial thought for this post was to list the top 10 video game fathers, but all I ended up coming up with was Adam Fenix (Gears of War) and King Koopa (Where’s Mrs. Koopa?) with some other supporting names thrown in for fun. I just found myself having trouble getting amped up for the post. Maybe it was the laziness of the day, or maybe it was the 97 Worlds Best Dad Hands Down Handprint Shirts I seen today. The world may never know lol.

To wrap up this post, Koopa has got to be the best video game father to date. He’s like the Octodad. Maybe there is no 1 Mrs. Koopa. Maybe, just maybe the King slays alot of Goomba tail. Hurm…

So let’s open this up for debate! Who is YOUR favorite video game Dad?

Happy Father’s Day!

Controller Shirt

Now that’s what I call a shirt! Not only for the free pass that you can get for touching a random girl’s boobs but for how cool that a girl would even wear this. The only drawback is that these shirts are available only on a Russian online store. I guess if you speak Russian fluently or don’t mind paying the 1290 rubles for it, buy one or grab a handful.


(Thanks Ben)

10 Reasons Why You Should Skip “Family Guy” Game

Back in E3, gamers had the chance to try out a demonstration for Family Guy: Back To The Multiverse, a game that sets its tone like that of the classic “Road to the Multiverse” episode from the acclaimed tv show by Seth McFarlane. I wasn’t there, but reading through some of the people’s reaction who were there, I made this “Top 10” for you to see. All I want you to do is think, whether I have a point or not. Tell me your thoughts down below after reading the entire post.

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Online Gaming Missed Encounters: Gears of War 3

Gears of War 4 Certainly Has A New Plot Direction...

Do you ever wonder why certain gamers are sitting back at the spawn area, not doing anything? Yeah, they’re probably jerking off, thinking about some hot gamer-on-gamer action.

Thank goodness we have such glorious sites like Craigslist where we can openly (and honestly) post in hopes of finding that special someone you shared an intimate moment with. Check out the latest one I’ve found below…

It’s things like this that warm my heart. I certainly hope this Craigslister find his WorLdWide icoN so they can revisit that night on Jacinto.

Wii U Haters Can Fuck Off

How many times have you heard that the Wii U will suffer from previous gen technology when Sony and Microsoft come out with their next consoles? I know I’ve seen this on twitter, G4, Neogaff, Destructoid, IGN, the watercooler at work, and in your mom’s diary. My point being that people have already started writing off the Wii U’s technical power and that is a load of bullshit.

Fact: Wii U Graphics LOOK AMAZING! Developers have been quoted for saying the graphics of the Wii U are slightly under the par of the current generation. It can still render what the PS3 and 360 can do for most multiplatform releases, but due to some tech restraints, the graphics will always be either on the nose, or slightly less than the capabilities of the PS3 / 360. You know what though? That’s fucking great!

I’ve heard from more than one journalist that the current generation sees no sign of stopping because the 360 and PS3 continue to surprise us with their capabilities. Have you seen the E3 demos? Minus the Wii U, there wasn’t a lick of new hardware there and everything looks BEAUTIFUL (yes, I know a lot was running on the PCs, fuck off).

If the Wii U’s graphics power add up to the current gen, you know what? That’s all I want. With Nintendo’s super style graphics and focus on awesome gameplay mechanics, I can’t wait to see what the Wii U brings us. If you’re one of those people who are writing off the Wii U because it won’t have the best graphics in the business, then you can suck a big floppy donkey dick. If you’re writing off the console because the controller looks like ass, then….I’m actually fine with that because that controller does indeed look like ass.

Baking with Gamers


Okay… so good idea or bad idea: I give you Summoners Rift. Extra Large. Thin Crust. Only League of Legends players would get this, I know. But look at it, isn’t it cool? You can see the purple team’s base… the blue team’s base and the jungle spawns and huge chilies where baron and dragon spawn. It’s the perfect dish for gamers because we’re fat and lazy and no one will eat this except the five of us in the LAN party we had on a Friday night while the girl we’re crushing on is getting laid on the dance floor at some club.

Why won’t anyone else eat this? One: only losers will understand our tastes (/pun). Two: look at the detail on this thing. Can you imagine the work it took to put this thing together? The… hands that individually placed each kernel of corn? The grime encrusted fingers that ever so lovingly fondled the melted cheese? Delicious. I’d eat it if it had anchovies.

Danica Patrick to appear in Sonic’s crap racing game

In an effort to generate huge sales for Sonic & All Stars Racing Transformed, it was announced at E3 that US auto racer Danica Patrick will be featured in this game.

Come on! No one cares! No one wants to see Sonic behind the wheel of a car. He has supersonic speed, hence the name. Why the hell would he need to drive a car?!

Fans of Danica Patrick should shake their heads in shame at this misuse of this beautiful woman. But don’t worry this game won’t see another sequel.


(Thanks Ian)